Dating black people
Whether Black women play the role of the chosen or the chooser, oppression reels its head to suppress their romantic desires unless they conform to heteronormative, patriarchal, capitalistic, and often white supremacist standards.
Black women are even conditioned to mother both our children and our lovers.
From references in popular media to talks with family and friends, it was made clear that one of the top expectations was that women would/could not make the first move.
Even when dating apps allows for women to initiate the conversation with a romantic prospect, the direction of the connection seems to still be ultimately is controlled by men.
I haven’t found research on Black women’s chances of securing dates when asking in person, but there is certainly tons of material with unsolicited advice and suggestions on what Black women can do to be seen as more attractive to/for men.
But after falling in love with my ex, I experienced the intensity of my first serious relationship and endured the pain of my first breakup.
Once we had parted ways, I longed for something casual again. Once I got to swiping, I was reminded that casual didn’t mean simple.
However, I have noticed, when asking men out on dates, that they often become extremely uncomfortable at the thought of having been “chosen” by a woman.